In breaking news exclusively from the F6NF, it can be revealed through sources close to the game that Tadgh Furlong, the Ireland, Leinster and Lions prop forward, has been banned by the Front Row Union.
“What he did last Saturday brought the standards and principles of the Front Row Union to a new low” said a spokesman for the mysterious organisation, who cannot be named for legal reasons. “It used to be that front row players, props particularly, were not expected to pass the ball, let along run with it, and tackling was optional. Sidestepping, not once, but twice, as Furlong did on Saturday, is an absolute rule breaker and must be stamped out. What sort of example is that giving to young lads today? Shame on him.”
The disciplinary council of the Front Row Union is investigating the matter and will lift or extend the ban depending on whether extenuating circumstances may be brought into play, particularly that the victim of the second sidestep was Finn Russell.
The one score victories for England and Ireland and a walloping of Italy by Wales have chopped up the F6NF table once more, with Helen O’Keefe shooting to the top of the table with a 55 point tally this weekend. In joint top is Ronan Watters, they both sit with 72 points, Des Reynolds trailing by a single point in 3rd place.
“I am in shock and awe” said O’Keefe, a long time entrant, who declined to disclose her location, although the seagulls in the background did sound to have a Portuguese twang. “Its great news altogether and lifts the spirits here in lockdown. Its been tough for everyone but we will soldier on.”
Watters has been steadily climbing the table, from 130th position after Round 1. “I was disappointed to begin with but have been on a bit of a run since – hopefully my combination of Scotland, England and France next weekend will clinch it.”
Reynolds fancies the same combination, only O’Keefe flying the green flag and going for Ireland against England.
Its all to play for.
Points Make Prizes
The Jones Engineering Welder of the Week Award goes to Helen O’Keefe for her flying performance this week. “I am overwhelmed” said O’Keefe. “Is the welding course being done online now? I’ve always wanted one of those welders helmets you see in Lidl – could double as a Covid mask too.”
The MAC Interiors Nil Point Award goes to Matt Williams Jnr, as he currently lies on nil point and by a complicated countback mechanism qualifies as the winner. “I’m sorry, Matt cant come to the phone right now, he’s out playing with his mates” we were told by his mother.
The Chophouse Best Lockdown Takeaway Award goes to the best Irish forecaster of the weekend who lives the furthest away – to challenge The Chop House’s deliveroo capability to the max – is another Williams (not related), Williams of Phnom Penh. “That’s great” said globetrotter Williams “I’m sick of Vietnamese, so I’m really looking forward to locally sourced Irish beef and supporting cast of delicacies, I’ve heard they do great grub. Let us know when the lad on the scooter will be arriving, will you?”
Great games to look forward to this coming weekend, but remember all will not be know at the end of it, with the France v Scotland match still to be played on March 26th. So its nearly decided next week, with a little added suspense thrown in.