Keep Calm and stay off Cruise Ships
For only the third time in its history the F6NF Emergency Committee was convened last month, and has sat each day since Simon Harris, Minister for Health in Ireland, cancelled the Ireland v Italy match by tweet. “It may have been a bit off the cuff alright” said Minister Harris to the F6NF, “and perhaps I should have mentioned it to the IRFU first, but sure everyone’s at it now. I’m cancelling St Patrick’s Day next, then we’ve Mother’s Day coming up. I’ve always wanted to cancel a religious festival, so Easter’s looking good for that.”
With our experience of the Foot and Mouth and Mad Cow disease before it, the F6NF advocates keeping calm, avoiding situations you wouldn’t want to end up stuck in for 14 days at a time, but otherwise carrying on you. So whilst all around may be losing their heads the F6NF 2020 proceeds. Our constitution was consulted, and sub-section 5 paragraph 17.d covers such eventualities (just after the section about the right to bear arms, and before the bit about never eating yellow snow):
Sub-Section 5, para 17.6
“In the event of the cancellation or postponement of any match in the 6 Nations series the scores from all matches played shall remain in place unaltered. No score shall be ascribed to the cancelled and postponed matches – so every entrant scores nil point for any such matches. The competition may be extended up to but not beyond the end of March to accommodate postponed matches.”
So there you have it – everyone gets zero for the Ireland v Italy match, the Italy v England match and the France v Ireland match. Which doesn’t leave much for the last weekend, but at least you’ve got Cheltenham.
Casting off the pervading atmosphere of doom and gloom, lets celebrate this weekend’s winners, who picked a narrow England victory and a convincing Scottish defeat of the French to reach for glory and prizes.
Top of the pops was Seamus Reilly, a former electrician from a little known M&E company, who now owns his own datacentre and onshore gas terminal. “Jeez that’s brilliant” said Reilly from his urt in Co. Mayo. “what with all the doom and gloom its great to pick up a prize. What might it be?”
Reilly wins the Linesight Fiendishly Clever Award, a €200 vouchercovering a 4 week skiing holiday in Northern Italy, including spending money, or alternatively a 14 day supply of dried pasta, tinned prunes and toilet paper.
Aisling Cartin pips Ciara Power to the RKD Best International Woman for the day that’s In It Award by alphabetic superiority on the day, and will be able to collect her €200 voucher from FlyBe when she finishes self isolation.
The Chop House Let’s Go Out to Dinner Award – a real voucher for dinner in – yes you guessed it – the Chop House – goes to 200th placed Wes Jesson, an alleged Quantity Surveyor. Our sponsor for this prize, Kevin the Chef, congratulated Jesson and added “Going out to dinner is great idea, everyone should do it. If you go out as much as possible – say every night – before you have to self isolate you will feel so much better, and you can treat isolation then like a 14 day detox that you have earned. Its all about positive mental attitude”.
|Totals After Week 4|
So with one weekend and one match – possibly – to go, the title is almost in Andrew Callaghan’s hands. He is staying quiet this week with so much at stake, and who can blame him? To be crowned the F6NF2020 Corona King is almost too much to take in, so let’s just see how it pans out. Good luck to all left in the running, good luck to all going to Cheltenham this week, and remember – after you’ve washed your hands, try not to touch the toilet door handle.